Joshua's new school, and my Dad?

Joshua has had a really hard time with school ever since he's been in it. I always had a nagging feeling that the stern, military way that his teacher was acting was a big part of it. It turns out I was probably right.

Joshua is now going to the school he's actually supposed to be in for where we live now. There is a new teacher there, and she has had over 10 years experience with children with autism. She's really worked wonders with him. Before, he was not allowed near the other children much, mostly because he wouldn't deal with them like he should and was completely inappropriate and outrageous. Now he in the main part of the classroom, participating directly with a small class of other students and because of the teachers methods. He also has two classroom assistants that he gets along with very well. Overall, it's going MUCH more smoothly than ever before. And because Joshua is kept busy in school, when he gets home, he is acting much better as well. He went shopping with us at Walmart (which can sometimes be a disaster) and acting very well the entire time.

On another note, I've never met my father...ever. It's not a situation where it was his fault either, so no blame towards him. Just recently, my wife and I decided to hunt him down. We are almost completely sure that he is the right person, and we have been talking quite a bit for the last week on the phone. He's a very nice man, definitely. It was a little awkward at first, but it's slowly getting easier to talk to him. He had a stroke about 5 years ago, and at first did not remember anything about my mother. After my mom and I talked to him though, he starting remembering things, not only about her, but other things that he had forgotten as well.

His lawyer advised him to have our DNA tested, to confirm that he's my father, and of course I consented to it. As soon as the lawyer contacts me and has it set up, I guess we'll find out for sure. Either way, we are getting along well enough that he wants to keep in touch, even if he finds out he isn't my father. Pretty cool.

Oh! And I almost forgot. My wife and I did some investigating along with the police and figured out who maimed our poor old van. He was caught, with the part (which didn't even properly fit the van he was going to put it on!) and he was arrested and we now have the part back. We had it towed to the shop and finally have our old run down van back! It cost us around $240 to get the master cylinder put back on and new brake lines put in. NOT easy to save up to get a newer van when you keep having to spend money on a falling apart one, just to get around.

We've been fundraising for saving up for a new van, and keeping the other one patched up until we can. Gofundme only adds you to the directory where we can get more exposure if we raise $100. We are about $30 short of that, so any help would be very appreciated.

http://www.gofundme.com/HelpMcDowellVan

Joshua in school ... and master brake cylinder cut out of van.

Joshua has been doing relatively well in school. He definitely NEEDED to get back into it. The summer break tends to bore him a lot, and he tends to have more problems. But this is the 4th day he's been back and he's doing mostly well. At home, he tends to be more relaxed and less apt to meltdown. It's been a pretty good week for him.

And then today, the rest of the family decided to get into the van to go to the store. It was fine, until I put on the brakes to get ready to back up. Or tried to. They went all the way to the floor. I went to pull the hood latch, and it had already been pulled. I lifted the hood...and the air filter and a hose were laying on the engine. Then I looked down farther, and the brake lines were cut and the master brake cylinder was surgically removed. It's obvious someone with a vehicle that uses the same parts as mine, removed it so that they could use it on their own vehicle.

I mean, hell, it's only a $40 part. The problem is, I'm no mechanic. I can't repair the break line, replace the master cylinder, bleed the fluid, or whatever else has to be done. It'll cost $200 to $300 to get it fixed, and I can't really afford to when the van is already in pretty bad shape and probably not worth fixing.

There is a special place in hell for people that strand a family with 2 autistic children by stealing from them and disabling their only means of transportation.

Beginning of the month

The first few days of the month are always hectic for us, as we're usually broke up til that point and have to rush out and buy food, diapers, or whatever else we end up needing. And we tend to do it all at once!

Joshua's ABA worker decided to come with us to Walmart for our BIG shopping trip. I usually need to hold Joshua's hand while in the store, as it's hard to tell if he is going to run off or grab everything in sight. We decided to not hold his hand, as long as he would stay close to me and follow or walk beside of me.

He followed directions pretty well for a while. Eventually he decided he wasn't going to cooperate anymore and the ABA worker got me to hold his hand again. He thrashed and yelled for a minute, but we made it clear that until he acted responsibly, I would not let go to let him walk on his own. After just a minute or two, he relaxed and was able to walk without me holding onto him again.

He had to hold my hand again about 2 times during the trip, but not for too long. For being a boring, 2 hour long shopping trip, he did pretty darned well. And so did the ABA worker! I'm really surprised that she stuck with it for that long. I'm sure she will not volunteer for another store trip with us any time soon.

Things should be calming down a little bit here as we get more breaks with the children being in school. Jacob will be going a week after Joshua, as he goes to a special school with lots of extra help for children with special needs, and it takes them a little longer to be prepared. His teacher also does home visits to see how he acts in his home environment compared to school, although he had the same teacher last year as well, so she knows him pretty well.

Joshua already had the chance to see his new school teacher twice now, and one of the kids in the class he knows from before. He also will have the same bus driver that he had before, so hopefully, it won't take him too long to adjust to starting school again. We will see!

Long ABA day

Today was Joshua's ABA day. This is one of those LONG days, since we do not have a van capable of riding on the highway to Johnson City. We woke up at 7:00 and got picked up by the transportation van at 9:00. We arrived at his appointment at about 9:40 or so, and had to wait til 10:30 in the office until the therapist got there.

The session went pretty well, and for the most part, Joshua behaved decently. One of the other ABA workers had brought in a computer for people to use while waiting in the office, and the internet wasn't working. So while Joshua's ABA was going on, I managed to get the problem fixed within the 2 hours that we were there.

We had over an hour wait after our appointment for the transit to pick us up, and then had to wait about 30 minutes more for the bus to get there. Joshua was a little antsy about having to wait so long and decided to recite Blue's Clues episodes and pretend like he was talking to Blue on his walkie talkie. A little embarrasing, but no biggie compared to many other things he could have been doing.

It was mostly okay once we were home, until we had to go out again to pick up a few necessities with the tiny about of money we had left. He started talking about Blue's Clues again, like it was real, and while trying get him to admit that it wasn't, he threw a yelling fit and kept smacking the seat while I was driving until we eventually got him to calm down. He was pretty mouthy for a while, but eventually settled down enough for him to pick out a snack in the store.

He was acting overly silly once he got home, bouncing around on his ball, without paying attention to where he was going and nearly running over his little brother.  My wife eventually got him to relax and sit on the couch. Overall, it was a very long, but mostly good day.

Early bird, calmer today (mostly)

Joshua woke up this morning at 4:30 apparently. His mom came in and saw him just sitting on the computer and being a good boy. It's noon now, and there have been no issues at all with him this morning. Knock on wood.

(Later)

Spoke too soon. He had about a 10 minute screaming and whining fit over Jacob slobbering on one of his books.

Joshua's Morning Meltdown

First Joshua decided that he wanted the ball that Jacob was playing on, even though Joshua's ball was sitting in the other corner. It got him in trouble, but we didn't take away anything yet. Then went back over to the couch, and realized that he couldn't find the remote control to the TV. He was yelling and being very grouchy, and looking around (or at least pretending to), getting madder by the minute. After a few minutes of trying to calm him and utterly failing, I told him that I would turn off his Blue's Clues and let Jacob watch the TV. He screamed and wailed, and still refused to look for the remote where I told him to look.

I found the remote within about 10 seconds, and he was still wailing and throwing a fit. Off went the Blue's Clues, and Joshua went ballistic. Jacob, the whole time this is going on, is holding his ears and trying to ignore us. I refused to let him have his android tablet, until he calmed down. Anyway, my wife was taking a nap at the time (common for one of us to sleep while the other watches the kids at times), and was fed up with Joshua's yelling, preventing her from sleeping. She made him go into his room, with him still screaming and told him he could come down when he calmed down.

So, to make a long story shorter, he ended up leaving his room once, got in trouble with his momma, then eventually after all of this happening for about 30-45 minutes total, he finally calmed down enough to be able to come back down stairs and calmly play on his tablet. Of course, he did not get his Blue's Clues back because of how long he raged and yelled.

Just a typical morning meltdown with hurricane Joshua. And now, I'm taking a nap!

Here's some more pictures of the kids!

Jacob

My other son, Jacob, who is 4 years old was a whole different story. Because of all the trials and tribulations with Joshua, and studying extensively on autism as well, we knew the signs and what to look for.

There were issues with Jacob before he was even born. Not autism related, but more physical. In the ultrasounds before he was born, when they checked his organs, it was soon found that there was something wrong with one of his kidneys. He was diagnosed, in utero, with multicystic dysplastic kidney disease. In laymans terms, one of his kidneys was covered in small cysts. One obviously worked correctly, but we didn't know about the other til he was born. It turned out the other kidney did not function at all. In hindsight, it was a good thing, because if the malformed kidney HAD been working, there is likelihood of it pushing infection into the other kidney, and that would cause life threatening problems. Luckily, that did not happen. As of now, the nonfunctional kidney has been absorbed into the body, and the other one has grown larger to take over for the both of them, and he hadn't had any problems with them so far.

He was born a few weeks early, because of my wife having gestational diabetes, and having high blood pressure and lots of agony from a very large and active baby. My wife described her insides being used as a trampoline. Unfortunately, he had problems breathing a little when he was born, but they got better quickly. He did not tend to cry much like most babies, and actually growled and grunted a lot instead. He's always have gastrointestinal problems, as many people with autism have. And he the way he stared in a trance at lights (and still does), there were already signs that he was different.

He had a lot of difficulty learning to walk, and never crawled at all. Even pulling himself up, it was like he was afraid and balance was very difficult. His big brother talked very early, but Jacob only made grunts and growls. He also writhed his hands together, violently, and would suck and chew on his hand. Not fingers, not thumb. His entire hand. In his mouth. All the way.

He had extremely obvious symptoms of autism, and as soon as he got old enough, we put him into the Tennessee Early Intervention program, giving him speech therapy and occupational therapy. We already felt guilt for not realizing sooner that Joshua was autistic, and we were not going to wait around until it was too late to give Jacob the early help he needed.

Today, Jacob walks pretty well, and his occupational therapy is really paying off. His core strength and balance is extremely good. You should see the acrobatics he does balancing and holding himself up with nothing but his shoulders on a ball and his feel propped up on a table, using nothing but his abdominal muscles. It's unbelievable.

Still, he does not speak, and still grunts and growls. Although sometimes he will say one word or so, he has never spoken more than 5 words, ever. He does have a sparkling laugh that is adorable, and sometimes a musical tone to his grunts and cooing. Heck, he even grunts out Nickelodeon intro music, perfectly. He slows improves day by day. We've been giving him plenty of flax seed for omega 3, and probiotics as well. I believe they are actually doing some good.

Joshua

 This is my first time ever, writing any sort of blog. My name is Jason McDowell. I am married and have two children that I love with all of my heart. Those children just happen to both have autism, but yet both boys are different as night and day.

Joshua is my eldest son. He is 9 years old, and originally diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which now falls under Autism Spectrum Disorder, due to DSM manual changes. It was many years before we realized or more importantly would accept that there was something different, mostly because we were ignorant of the wide spectrum of autistic symtoms and him not fitting all of the typical ones.

He has always been very hyper, even from as early 1 year old. He very quickly destroyed his crib mattress from jumping repeatedly, very hard, and rhythmically. He said his first words at 6 months old. My family would not believe my wife and I, and neither would anyone else. But it is true. He started saying "I'm good," because we always told him how much of a good boy he was. He was speaking whole sentences and starting to read at 2. He drew pictures that looked like they were drawn by someone years older. He had a very rhythmic even, perfect way of speaking. As a matter of fact, he tried to be perfect at everything.  He tried so much, that if he made a mistake, he got horribly angry and frustrated. But we didn't see the warning signs. Joshua was extremely impulsive, and randomly ran away from us. When a big truck scared him, he would try to run out into the street, not away from it.

Honestly, there's been so many years of things happening with them, that I can't even remember all the awkward things that he's done. He's very vocal and talkative, but completely inappropriate in dealing with others. We tried taking him to preschool, but the school did not know how to handle him properly, and we yanked him out, due to fears that they would allow him to get hurt because of his impulses. We ended up homeschooling him up through first grade.

At around 4-5, when my wife was in the hospital for an extended period of him from complications from being pregnant, things changed drastically. We had no vehicle at the time, and Joshua and I had to walk to the hospital to be with his mother every day. Things just ended up being too different, and I believe he started strongly regressing and having worse problems. He always had potty training issues, but they became worse at that point.

We came to the conclusion that he had all the symptoms of autism, and maybe some bipolar symptoms as well, and soon after, he was officially diagnosed. Eventually, it became too difficult to homeschool him without some help, so we wanted to see about putting him into public school for 1st grade. Unfortunately, although we warned the school about the way he acted, they did not believe it was more than they could handle. They found out they were wrong.

Anyways, we've constantly had to hold the school's feet to the fire for the last 2 years that he was in public school. Often it seemed the school was trying their best to look for excuses not to have to deal with him. The pinnacle of it came when "someone" in the school decided to call DCS on us because of an "odor coming from him". What it amounted to was him starting to become sick that day after he was already in school, because later in the day, he started having diarrhea, and not to mention the child has a tough time wiping himself well enough. So instead of talking to us about it and letting us address the concerns, they call DCS. That didn't do much, because when we told the DCS worker what hell the school had put us through and how much they had violated our rights, she immediately took our side. Not to mention, the accusations the school brought up were proven to be petty and unfounded. The time the next IEP came along, I was livid and calmly told them I was aware of what they had done and my wife and I were furious, and the DCS worker was completely on our side, along with Joshua's ABA therapist and intensive mental heath case manager.

Needless to say, we had fewer issues with the school at that point, and when they did come up, my wife and I made it known that we would not tolerate their garbage and made them do what they should do that was the best for Joshua. He will be leaving that school and teacher (who was a lot of the problem) to go to 4th grade, and going to a better over all school. Although now it turns out that what I'm assuming was due to school cutbacks and unacceptable contract renewals, the teacher for next year (which Joshua already knew and liked) ended up quitting, right before time for Joshua to get some special summer classes to help him adjust to the break. So...all of that went out the window and we are still in limbo, waiting to see what the new teacher is like. One thing for sure, I will let the teacher know first hand what happened last time, and will inform her/him that these mistakes will not be repeated.